So anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE to sing! I've wanted for years to have the couage to try out for the praise team at my old church. Well, as u know, 2011 is the year I change everything. In January, I started going to brand new church not far from where I live. In May (I think?) I finally braved up and approached the worship leader about auditioning for my new church, and tonight I started rehearsals. It was TOTALLY out of my comfort zone walking into a room full of strangers in a strange place (technically, the praise team from our parent church is travelling between the two on Sunday mornings, and I'm really the only member from my church, so I'm rehearsing with them.
I was TERRIFIED! But God used my traitorous bladder to get me out of the car and into the building, then he used the couple of people that I sort of know to get me into the room. Of course, I was introduced to the crowd (thankfully from the safety of my own chair), and after a very kind introduction it was down to business. I knew only a couple of the songs and muddled through as best I could. I'm an alto and harmonies have NEVER come easy to me, so I hummed along until I had a fair grasp on my part and then tried putting the words to it.
But it was fun. And really, as stressful as it was, I kinda know the ropes now, so next week will be much easier. So y'all pray for me as I'm learning new music, new parts. At some point I'll get added to the rotation at Chelsea Creek, and then I'm REALLY gonna need prayer. I haven't told anyone there that I'm doing this. I love those people, and I've started a fantastic network of friends there, but I'm really nervous about having to stand up in front of everyone. Not that I'll be standing alone and not that people will be focused on me. It's worship, and people will be totally focused on the only One worthy of our worship, but still...it's a bit nerve wracking!
So here's to a new journey, new growth, and a new phase in my life where I'm getting to serve in the one area that I am more passionate about than any other in my life. I'm excited, and I can't wait to see what God can do through me in this. All right. Enough rambling for tonight. Pray for me!
So I resisted the temptation to let my headache keep me in bed this morning, and I met my Jesus Girls for our 7:30 training session. I did a mile and a half this morning in under a half hour. I ran some; I mostly walked-with purpose. I was hot, sweaty, tired, and my legs felt like they might fall off. But I did it and I feel good about it. I can do this.
I left there and went to Publix. I resisted the temptation of the crap I wanted to buy (b/c hey, I just did a mile and a half; I deserve a treat) and stuck to my list of milk, fruit, and aluminum foil. I felt good about that, too. Then I'm carrying my 2 little bags to the car and this jackass drives by me and yells at the top of his lungs "Hey Bertha". Well, first, it scared the shit out of me, then it pissed me off. This guy doesn't know me. He has no idea how I struggle with body image. In his mind it was funny to make fun of the fat girl leaving the grocery store.
So I get home and eat my banana, sobbing like a baby, and it dawns on me. This battle about my weight is wholly spiritual. I'm not battling my body; I'm battling the forces of hell. And Satan was pissed that I made two good choices for myself this morning. That I was talking to God in the grocery store, that my small group has made this commitment to the Race For the Cure and that I chose to stick with it. So he attacked, and God love that poor man in the white Ford Explorer, he was Satan's handpuppet this morning-and probably has no idea. So I pray that he will meet face to face today witht the God of the universe. That he will see that God can use that fearlessness to shout the name of Jesus at the top of his lungs just as easily as he shouted Bertha at me.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go show Satan that I don't give a shit what he thinks about how I look in a swimsuit. I'm going to do some laps in the pool.
So it's 1am, and I can't sleep...again. Two nights in a row I've gone to bed by 10 in hopes of sleeping well and rising early. Anyway, since I'm awake Rory decided it would be fun to sleep on my chest with her rump towards my head. And I don't mind. I like it when she "cuddles" with me. The problem is that apparently I've done something horribly wrong, because she keeps slapping me in the face with her tail! Across the face, over my eyes, in my nose. It's kind of annoying, but I'm afraid if I shew her she might decide to get revenge if I manage to fall asleep. This is my life.
So, my usual Monday night ritual is to watch the Bachelor/Bachelorette/Bachelor Pad with my former roommate. Last night, I'm sitting there watching and one of the guys she sent home decided to come back. Of course, they tease her response so we'll keep watching (like that was ever in question), and they make it look as though she's going to let him come back. Now, at the same time, one of the men she's been "dating" tells her that he's just not in love with her and he's going to pack his things and go home.
So here is Ashley talking about how upset she is that this one guy went home, and what if she gets to the end and none of them want her. Meanwhile, Ryan awaits her decision about whether or not he gets to come back and they show a teaser clip that makes us believe JP (the one I think she should choose) decides to walk, because Ryan comes back.
I look at my old roommate and ask her why we do that. We will cost ourselves an amazing man to gamble on one we don't really want just because we are afraid of being rejected. We want someone to fall back on...someone that can comfort us, because the one we really want walked away. And really, it's not fair to any of the parties involved, but we don't think about how selfish we're being. I was afraid for Ashley that she was going to cost herself the man who could be the love of her life to bring back a guy she's rejected once. Not a happy place to be.
But in the end she sent Ryan home, and she told JP all about it, and everything woked out just fine for her. She's a smart girl.